How to Find LGBTQ+ Friendly Therapists Near You
You don’t deserve to sit through three therapy sessions wondering if this person will actually get you—or if you’ll be spending the time explaining why your identity isn’t a phase.
There’s already a sense of vulnerability and rawness in seeking therapy, but when you’re wondering if that someone won’t just tolerate your queerness, but celebrate it? Multiply that feeling by 10000.
Finding truly LGBTQ+ affirming therapy shouldn’t feel like searching for a needle in a homophobic haystack—but sometimes, it really does. So, we’re sharing how to identify therapists who will genuinely support your whole self, red flags to watch for, and how to find an LGBTQ+ friendly therapist near you.
At Ditch The Couch, we're proudly and unapologetically LGBTQIA+-affirming. We believe every part of who you are deserves to be seen, celebrated, and supported—and we're here to provide that care for folks across New York and New Jersey, both virtually and in person.
What LGBTQ+ Friendly (and Affirming) Care Looks Like In Therapy
Truly affirming therapist won’t hide their support—they tend to advertise it! Often, you’ll see explicit statements about being LGBTQ+ affirming on their websites, inclusive language throughout their materials, and intake forms that actually reflect the diversity of the human experience.
When you talk with an affirming therapist, discussing your identity feels easier—more natural. They use your chosen name and pronouns without making it a big deal, and ask respectful questions about how you’d like them to refer to your relationship.
Most importantly, they focus on your actual concerns rather than treating your identity as the problem to solve.
Affirming therapists also understand that LGBTQ+ identities intersect with other aspects of who you are. They stay current with LGBTQ+ issues, understand the impact of minority stress, and recognize how discrimination and acceptance affect mental health.
They might have specialized training in areas like gender-affirming care, but even without specific certifications, they demonstrate ongoing education and cultural competence.
3 Signs a Therapist or Practice Isn’t a Good Fit
While it's great to know what good care looks like, it's equally important to recognize the warning signs that suggest you should keep searching:
#1. Their Language Gives Them Away
Some therapists reveal their bias before you even meet them.
They’ll use outdated language like referring to LGBTQ+ identities as “lifestyle choices” or “alternative lifestyles.” And if they seem uncomfortable when you mention your identity, stumble over basic terminology, or keep using your deadname after correction—trust that discomfort.
Therapists who claim to be “neutral” on LGBTQ+ issues are also telling you something important: neutrality isn’t affirmation.
#2. The Awkward Questions and Assumptions
Be wary of therapists who love to ask invasive questions about your relationships or sexual life that feel more like curiosity than clinical relevance. Good therapists know the difference between understanding your experience and figuring out their own learning curve.
If they make assumptions about your relationships, family structure, or experiences based on stereotypes—or if they seem surprised by aspects of your identity that don’t fit their expectations—keep looking.
#3. The Practice-Level Problems
Sometimes the therapist seems okay, but their practice sends a different message (a not-so-friendly one).
Check if their intake forms only have binary gender options, if their website lacks any mention of LGBTQ+ affirmation, or if their marketing feels like it was written in 1995. When you visit, pay attention to how the reception staff and other team members interact with you. If the therapist is affirming, but the practice culture isn’t, that’s still a problem.
How to Find LGBTQ+ Friendly Therapy Near You
Telling you what a good therapist looks like and actually finding an LGBTQ+ therapist that’s near you are two different things—so let’s break it down step-by-step to keep it simple:
Step #1: Researching LGBTQ+ Affirming Therapists
We highly recommend starting by using directories, like Psychology Today, and using their filters to search specifically for LGBTQ+ friendly therapists. Again, look for explicit affirming language vs. vague statements about “diversity.”
Bonus points if they’re listed with LGBTQ+ affirming organizations or mentioned in community resources.
You can also ask for referrals from LGBTQ+ community centers, friends who’ve had good experiences, and other healthcare providers whom you’ve had a good experience with and know are LGBTQ+ affirming.
Step #2: Take Advantage of The Free Consultation
Most practices offer brief consultation calls (Ditch the Couch included)—use them! These calls are perfect for gauging how comfortable and knowledgeable the potential therapist is about LGBTQ+ issues.
Pay attention to how they respond when you mention your identity. Do they seem genuinely welcoming? Do they ask thoughtful questions? Are they open and receptive to YOUR questions?
Step #3: Ask the Direct Questions
Don’t be shy about asking potential therapists about their experience with LGBTQ+ clients, their training in affirming care, and their approach to working with queer and trans people. Good therapists will welcome these questions AND answer them confidently.
For example, you could ask:
"What training have you had in LGBTQ+-affirming therapy?"
"How do you approach working with LGBTQ+ clients?"
"Are you familiar with [specific issues relevant to you]?"
"What does LGBTQ+-affirming care mean to you?"
"How does your practice ensure inclusive, affirming care?"
Their answers will tell you a lot about whether they’re a good fit (or not)!
Step #4: Trust Your Gut
If something feels “off” during your initial interactions, trust that feeling. You deserve to feel comfortable and welcomed—not like you’re taking a risk by being yourself.
If a therapist seems “okay,” but not great, remember you have options. Don’t settle for tolerant when you can have truly affirming.
Settling for only tolerance can cause more damage to than good for your mental health, exacerbating the reason you went to therapy for in the first place.
BONUS: What to Do When You Have Limited Options Thanks to Your Location
Living in an area with limited local options doesn’t mean you have to compromise on affirming care. With the growth of virtual therapy, there are so many opportunities to connect with a therapist who’s LGBTQ+ friendly.
Online therapy can sometimes even feel safer for exploring identity questions or discussing experiences you’re not ready to share in your local community.
What to Do If You End Up With Non-Affirming Care
If you end up with a therapist who isn’t as affirming as they seemed, remember that you CAN leave. You don’t owe them your time or energy while they figure out how to be respectful.
Trust your instincts about whether someone is genuinely trying to learn and improve or whether they’re fundamentally not equipped to provide affirming care. One isn’t necessarily better than the other—you need someone who can support you now, not someone you have to train.
If you experience harmful or discriminatory treatment, consider reporting it to licensing boards. Your experience matters, and speaking up might protect other LGBTQ+ people from similar harm.
You Deserve Care That Celebrates YOU
Finding LGBTQ+ affirming therapy takes a bit more effort, but you deserve it. When you find the right therapist, you’ll know it. You’ll feel seen, supported, and celebrated for exactly who you are.
Your identity should be honored in therapy, not just tolerated. The right therapist is out there, and they’re excited to meet you.
Looking for truly affirming LGBTQ+ therapy in NY or NJ? We'd love to talk with you about how we can support your goals while celebrating who you are. Reach out for a free consultation to see if we're the right fit.